What does that make you? It's a trick question, actually-I can't tell anyone what or who they are. Each of us gets to identify for ourselves how we feel and what we want to call ourselves. Is your friend gay? Behavior alone does not make someone gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, queer, or any imaginable sexual orientation. For example, if you know you're straight but you've never had sex, can you not call yourself straight? That would be silly. Behavior is one piece of a larger picture that includes orientation (who you're attracted to) and identity (what you call yourself). So maybe it's possible to try to let go of the firm notion that your friend must be gay. There's no way of knowing for sure without having that conversation with him and finding out how he sees himself and how he identifies, which leads nicely to the part of your question about how to approach your friend. Communication can sometimes feel very complicated and tricky but it's great that you are recognizing the impact of the last few months on your friendship and that you want to take some steps to resolve things.
